Day 58

Got a textmessage - "sitting here thinking of you"
Hm - thinking...what are you thinking???
I wish you cold tell me what you are thinking.
Can´t go much further before I know.
I would like to have a crystalball so i could see what´s coming.
But then one would loose the feeling of exitment and butterflies
one have at this time in a realtionship.

Was driving home from my visit and grandma when Kari called.
He had talked to my father!!!!
What??!
Are you crazy??!!
Don´t like it....
Yet I fell safe and calm, how can that be?
Will I be disappointed later or?
Do I really have the courage to go on?
Would have loved to just crawl up in his arms and cuddle.

But then all the doubts and fear is making it´s way into my head and heart.
The courage falters and the heart closes again.
Will you be the one or will you also hurt me?
Wanna find that love that last for ever, but i´m afraid - so afraid.
Still thinking of you!!
Trying to concentrate, but it´s not working.
Thoughts swirling and making me dizzy.
Musings but no answers that can give me the assurance that I need.
They say there are no guarantees - but I need it.
I need to know.
Who is he?
What does he want?
Can I trust him? - All the way??!!
IF - two letters, one word.
but it can make walls crumble and fall.
I think i actually miss him - but is it him or the feeling I miss?