Day 72

Woke up home in my bed.
Made coffe and smoked a cigarette.

Got one more textmessage from Kari.
What is now?
Like 50 or 60 of them in like 2 days!!!
Sent a mail and explained how I feel, hope he understands this time.

It could have been something good, but when you push me and never leave
me alone for just one second, it will never work.
Why did you have to push so hard??
Would it have been different if you would have given me some time to adjust.

Maybe I´m just scared beacuse I don´t seem to have any control over
anything right now.
Maybe I have a fantasy about a world that doesn´t really exist,
a dream that never will come through,
a worl were I can be happy - really happy
.
What am I going to do?
How do I really feel?
What do I feel?
Can I ever get over this and be free?